May 2012
7 posts
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Todd's Road to Recovery: 4th Step
We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand Him.
The Raëlian Church is utter bullshit. However, I do feel that if I “dedicate” myself to this religion it’ll pay off. In order to progress to certain levels I need to either donate money, which I’m not doing, or fuck someone who is in control. I’ll opt for the latter.
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Todd's Road to Recovery: 3rd, three, tres, III
Religion was never something I could identify with. I feel this is mainly because I was raised Catholic. The only vivid memories I have of this religion were the times overweight cunts with power trips would hit my knuckles with rulers or force me to go down on them for a grade. My particular experience with religion caused me to develop a hatred for any organized group worshipping some asshole in...
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Todd's Road to Recovery: Step Dos
After facing my addiction I find a weight has been lifted. All these years of pent up anger and animosity have destroyed me…and my waist line.
Time for me to tackle the next step: We found it necessary to “Stick with Winners” in order to grow.
If this means I need to get rid of enablers I might as well start with my bitch mother. She breast-fed me throughout my early teens and...
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Todd's Road to Recovery: First Step
I decided to finish the program. Although I don’t agree with the bitch counselor or the righteous addicts I would like to repair my damaged reputation. There was once a time people sang my praises. Thinking about it gives me a hard on.
After peeling the hard phlegm stuck the pamphlet the first step read:
We admitted that mind-changing chemicals have caused at least a part of our lives to...
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Todd's Road to Recovery: The Meeting
I felt the urge to vomit, so I did—all over the twit who had been snickering for 30 minutes. She had it coming.
I’m unsure how I’m supposed to feel relaxed and supported while strangers, who are preoccupied with whatever bullshit they have to share, glare at me. I understand this is the process every addict goes through, but it’s stupid. My addiction is definitely not as bad as some of these...
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March 2012
11 posts
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Clarification
I received an e-mail about my last post discussing oral vs. intercourse. The person was very concerned for my health and mentioned the fact that I am liable to contract an STD if I keep sleeping around.
Let’s just clarify something. I am a very passionate and sexual person who has opinions I’d like to share. I’m not someone who jumps into a different bed every night, but even...
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“I’m in love with large bills…a dime with a fat ass, thin waist and tall...”
– Rick Ross
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Oral vs. Intercourse
As a single women in LA I’d like to note that there is a distinction between having intercourse and giving someone head. Some have asked me why I won’t orally please a man, but I’ll have sex with him. That’s simple. Remember in Pretty Woman how Julia Robert’s character refused to kiss the men she slept with? No, I’m not comparing myself (or any single woman) to...
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“You playin wit ya toys but ya toys dont bite…see they dont talk shit and...”
– Nelly
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February 2012
30 posts
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Time to be immature
You’re finally over stalking their social media pages, and you’re seeing someone new, but when you see this person your stomach bunches into knots and your throat closes up as they approach. Now what?
You have a few choices:
Run away
Talk to the person like an adult
Grab the random person to the right of you and start making out with them violently (we call this macking)
...
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Shit is pretty hot dough..
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Learn how to talk dirty first, then try gettin’ at me.
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On repeat
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So Special…John Legend & Lil Wanye
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...the notches...
Dear mom and dad, if you are reading this please..stop.
Okay, now that they’re gone, we can touch on a topic that seems to always be on everyone’s mind. Sex. I was raised sexually modest and continue to hold certain beliefs. Sure…I enjoy sex, but growing up it wasn’t discussed.
At 24, I find myself conflicted between embracing the sexual being that I am while holding on...
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I am a feminist.
The other day I had a discussion about feminism. I was told that, because I still have “old school” views of how men should treat men I’m not a true feminist. Because I expect men, in the early dating stages, to open the door for me, pay for dinner, and overall treat me like the lady I am I’m setting women back. That, to me, is bullshit. Here’s why:
According to...
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“Eat her til she cry. Call that wine and dine.”
– Lil Wayne
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The scenario: Another night out in Hollywood in which every able-bodied male has grabbed your hand while repeating the phrase “hey ma, can I get at that?” As you proceed with your bitchiest “ummm no” you begin to wonder what the hell you’re doing. You think about the last person you felt a connection with—even if you feel this person may not respect you. You...
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What happens when you mix Don Julio and...
….let’s find out….
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Green eggs with a little ham, please.
From this point on I shall only eat eggs that are green.
I will carry green dye with me so if I am given eggs that are already prepared I can dye them green.
I am trying to limit my pork intake so if someone prepares eggs with ham I will eat a small amount of the ham because I am polite.
So, I will eat green eggs, and a small amount of ham.
I prefer the green eggs to regular eggs because...
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“I’ve been confused outta my mind lately. You think you’re loving but...”
– Duffy
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The Tattooed Boy and His Prideful Mother
There once was a boy born with tattoos (Greg). Due to this peculiar type of birth defect Greg was home-schooled. He was a sensitive boy so his mother, Cassie, assured him of his normalcy. Daily, she would use false tattoos to cover her bare skin.
One day, while attempting to borrow hair spray, Greg stumbled upon her in the bathroom while applying the tattoos. In tears Greg ran away! He vowed to...
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January 2012
14 posts
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